Today is Saturday, November 27, 2010 (two days after my first Thanksgiving without "my very own turkey")! After I finished the other post, I just thought about Thursday, November 25, 2010. It was the day of the rains and wind! Consequently, it was the day of the blues. I actually thought that my heart would explode that day. The hurt was so intense. Tears were burning my eyes, face, heart and all the way to my soul. I was not sure that I could survive the heartache and loneliness. I was surrounded (for most of the day) with family and friends, but yet I felt the pain alone.
........Through God's tenderness and mercy; lots and lots of prayer; lots of family's and friends' love and support; buckets of tears later, I am still here!!!! My heart has not exploded as I thought that it would Thursday.
As a friend of mine pointed out to me today, "There is even a hint of that mischievous twinkle in your eye again!" Wonder where that came from?
Keep your eyes on the heavens.
Love and peace,
Cathy
Saturday, November 27, 2010
Anniversary
Webster's meaning of anniversary is the annual recurrence of a date marking a notable event. I have used this term all of my life, and have used it for a variety of events; birthdays, wedding anniversary, birth of our nation, etc. However, today, it has so much more meaning to me. Today is the 6th month anniversary of James' joining the angelic ranks. It is the 39th anniversary of our marriage. It is my 6th month of finding my "new normal".
It is with bittersweet memories that I celebrate this milestone alone.
If he were here, he would be so pleased this year. I went to the high school football team's semi-final play-off game in Nashville last night. Between the cool night air and lots and lots of cheering, I am so hoarse, it is hard to speak above a whisper. Don't you know that he would be eating this up. Of course, his excuse to everyone would be that "He makes me speechless just being near him for all these years!" I can truthfully say that there were so many times when he did take my breath away - sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a frightened way, and sometimes in a bad way.
What's that expression? "It is not the breaths that you take, but what takes your breath away!" I had 40 years of breath-taking experiences with that MAN!!!!!
May God's light shine upon you and may HIS love take your breath away.
Love and peace,
Cathy
It is with bittersweet memories that I celebrate this milestone alone.
If he were here, he would be so pleased this year. I went to the high school football team's semi-final play-off game in Nashville last night. Between the cool night air and lots and lots of cheering, I am so hoarse, it is hard to speak above a whisper. Don't you know that he would be eating this up. Of course, his excuse to everyone would be that "He makes me speechless just being near him for all these years!" I can truthfully say that there were so many times when he did take my breath away - sometimes in a good way, sometimes in a frightened way, and sometimes in a bad way.
What's that expression? "It is not the breaths that you take, but what takes your breath away!" I had 40 years of breath-taking experiences with that MAN!!!!!
May God's light shine upon you and may HIS love take your breath away.
Love and peace,
Cathy
Thursday, November 25, 2010
Thanksgiving, 2010
It is hard some times when your heart is heavy to stop and be thankful. Yet if you think about the things that laden your heart, there is a blessing in them somewhere. We don't always recognize blessings for what they are.
I am so saddened that my soul mate and friend is no longer with me. He has been with me for 40 Thanksgivings and for 39 anniversaries (Saturday, November 27)-since the first day that we met. I feel quite "odd" and "out-of- place". Course if he were here, he would have jumped on that last statement. He would have said, "You should feel odd, because you are odd!"
This morning when I looked in the mirror there were more wrinkles etched on my face. I am thankful for the wrinkles, since James Gravenmier was a major contributor for each one of them. I have earned them through the love of that crazy man.
I am thankful that I had 40 years of love for a man and he shared his love with me for 40 years. I am thankful that despite our trials and tribulations, life was still worth living and we had God as our guide and rock. I am thankful for my wonderful children, grandchildren, and the young men that they call their spouses. I am thankful for the blending of Drake/ Gravenmier (all 1000 families of Gravenmier offspring)/Smith/Westbrooks/Shearin/Whitby/Vandiver/Jackson/Camper families into one herd known as family and friends.
I am thankful for all those many blessings that are spoken, those that are whispered in reverence, and for the many that are yet to come.
Thank you. Thank you.
I am humbled beyond words on this a day of Thanksgiving.
May you find a bounty of food, friends, family, fun, fellowship, faith, and of course lots and lots of football this Thanksgiving, 2010.
Miss you Mama, Daddy, and James G.
May God's light shine on you and keep you safe!
Love and peace,
Cathy
I am so saddened that my soul mate and friend is no longer with me. He has been with me for 40 Thanksgivings and for 39 anniversaries (Saturday, November 27)-since the first day that we met. I feel quite "odd" and "out-of- place". Course if he were here, he would have jumped on that last statement. He would have said, "You should feel odd, because you are odd!"
This morning when I looked in the mirror there were more wrinkles etched on my face. I am thankful for the wrinkles, since James Gravenmier was a major contributor for each one of them. I have earned them through the love of that crazy man.
I am thankful that I had 40 years of love for a man and he shared his love with me for 40 years. I am thankful that despite our trials and tribulations, life was still worth living and we had God as our guide and rock. I am thankful for my wonderful children, grandchildren, and the young men that they call their spouses. I am thankful for the blending of Drake/ Gravenmier (all 1000 families of Gravenmier offspring)/Smith/Westbrooks/Shearin/Whitby/Vandiver/Jackson/Camper families into one herd known as family and friends.
I am thankful for all those many blessings that are spoken, those that are whispered in reverence, and for the many that are yet to come.
Thank you. Thank you.
I am humbled beyond words on this a day of Thanksgiving.
May you find a bounty of food, friends, family, fun, fellowship, faith, and of course lots and lots of football this Thanksgiving, 2010.
Miss you Mama, Daddy, and James G.
May God's light shine on you and keep you safe!
Love and peace,
Cathy
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
Looking Forward....
It is hard to believe that Thanksgiving is next week. Where has this year gone?
This is probably my favorite holiday. It is so steeped in family, friends, fun, food, the parade, and fellowships (not to mention, lots and lots of football). There is no pressure, just relaxed gatherings --unless you unwisely choose to root for the wrong football teams.
It is also the time when you need to think and reflect on all of those blessings that are provided.
It is hard sometimes when you are grieving to think of anything but your hurt, pain, and sadness. However, God so richly provides for us even in our suffering. Of this I am truly certain. Thank you, Lord, for our many blessings. Thank you for providing more than we deserve.
Dust off those turkeys, pilgrims, and Indians. Sharpen the knives. Iron the tablecloths. Get batteries for the remotes. Clean out the oven. Turkey time is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace be with you,
Cathy
This is probably my favorite holiday. It is so steeped in family, friends, fun, food, the parade, and fellowships (not to mention, lots and lots of football). There is no pressure, just relaxed gatherings --unless you unwisely choose to root for the wrong football teams.
It is also the time when you need to think and reflect on all of those blessings that are provided.
It is hard sometimes when you are grieving to think of anything but your hurt, pain, and sadness. However, God so richly provides for us even in our suffering. Of this I am truly certain. Thank you, Lord, for our many blessings. Thank you for providing more than we deserve.
Dust off those turkeys, pilgrims, and Indians. Sharpen the knives. Iron the tablecloths. Get batteries for the remotes. Clean out the oven. Turkey time is coming!!!!!!!!!!!!
Peace be with you,
Cathy
Sunday, November 14, 2010
Emotions! Emotions! Emotions!
Grief brings a truckload of emotions that are sometimes too much to deal with. I have not had to deal with this much emotion since I went through menopause. Trust me, my family found out what kind of "raw" emotions that I have when I experienced menopause. Yet, I am not sure that this is not worse or at least much, more unpredictable.
You are up. You are down. You are high. You are low. You are happy. You are ecstatic. You are sadder than sad. You laugh. You cry. You love. You hate. You are grateful. You are unappreciative. You want. You can't have. You are miserable. You are okay. You wonder if it is real. You know that it is real. You experience it all. You feel it all! You.....don't feel anything.
Life is all about adjusting to this new "normal". It would be so much easier to deal with if my "sweet man" were here to remind me to "get over myself". Alas, he is not. Yet, I, will eventually "get over myself".
"God is good all the time, and all the time God is good." With this certainty, I know that in time this (heartache) too shall pass!
Enjoy this beautiful, fall weather. Reflect on the wonderful blessings that HE provides. Thanksgiving, my most favorite holiday is coming!
May HIS face shine upon you,
Cathy
You are up. You are down. You are high. You are low. You are happy. You are ecstatic. You are sadder than sad. You laugh. You cry. You love. You hate. You are grateful. You are unappreciative. You want. You can't have. You are miserable. You are okay. You wonder if it is real. You know that it is real. You experience it all. You feel it all! You.....don't feel anything.
Life is all about adjusting to this new "normal". It would be so much easier to deal with if my "sweet man" were here to remind me to "get over myself". Alas, he is not. Yet, I, will eventually "get over myself".
"God is good all the time, and all the time God is good." With this certainty, I know that in time this (heartache) too shall pass!
Enjoy this beautiful, fall weather. Reflect on the wonderful blessings that HE provides. Thanksgiving, my most favorite holiday is coming!
May HIS face shine upon you,
Cathy
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