Within a period of seven days, one of my cohorts lost her mom (96 years old); one of my cohorts lost a mother-in-law (97 years old); one of my cohorts lost her granddaugher (3 weeks old); and the same one that lost a granddaughter had a grandson born the day after the granddaughter passed away. Life has its ups and downs- its highs and lows-, but there is one certainty in life. God presides over all of these times. Thank you, Lord for your faithfulness.
I just returned from my first trip without my loving companion. I went with our Seniors group from church to Chattanooga. Travelling by bus we arrived Friday afternoon; went for a dinner cruise that evening on the Southern Belle on the Tennessee; had an all day excursion on a train to Coppertown (an old copper mining town); and boarded the bus on Sunday for the return trip. We had a wonderful time in a short period of time. There was lots of laughter, fun, and fellowship.
Andy was so impressed that I was able to ride on a bus, ship, and train all in the same weekend. I would love for Amy and Clayton to take he and Kendall to Chattanooga and let them experience the same adventure that I had. I know that he would love it and I think that K-Cole would, too.
I was a bit proud of myself for venturing out of Milan. Spending the night away from home has been my achilles heel since James passed away. I am okay going out during the day and at night until it is time to go to bed. I just had not been able to convince myself to spend the night away from my room/bed. My room has been my sanctuary until this weekend. However, we (Mister and I) had not travelled to Chattanooga in quite a long time. My only difficult time came when we were returning and I thought about how much he would have enjoyed being with all of our old church friends once again. He surely did enjoy having a "large" time and he insisted on everyone having a good time along with him!
You know, the tears that I cried and still cry are not for him, but are mine alone. I have selfish tears for now. I would love to be able to talk to him, see him, catch him up on everything, hold his large hands, and hug him again. However, I would not deprive him of his eternity for anything. These are just selfish thoughts. We will share good times again with our Lord.
Wow! Isn't that an awesome thought?
Pray for peace and comfort for all of my cohorts who are grieving/hurting.
Grace and peace be with you,
Cathy
Monday, September 27, 2010
Thursday, September 16, 2010
Falling to Sleep
There are so many rules and reminders to grief. I have lost my grandmother, grandfathers, dad, mom, and now my sole mate. I read that when you lose your grandparents, you lose your heritage. When you lose your parents, you lose your past. When you lose your spouse, you lose your present.When you lose your child, you lose your future. This is so profound, but so true.
Rule 1: Don't make any major changes the first year. I changed my bed from a California King to a full size bed. What a step down. Rule 2: Clean out the "closet" at least by 3 1/2 weeks. We finally made it in 3 1/2 months. Rule 3: Don't make so many adjustments too quickly or without thought to the consequences.
Which brings me to the topic of today's blog.
When I was a young girl, I had a twin bed. I would scoot all the way down and hook my toes over the end. I would then rock myself to sleep. This habit continued into young adulthood.When James Gravenmier and I became man and wife, we had a full size bed. I used the same method for rocking myself to sleep to overcome his snoring. He snored. I rocked. We were the perfect couple. Except, he hated the "rocking" bed. He fumed and complained enough that I decided to grow up and dispense with the rocking. Marital bliss continued, until he became ill. Guess which habit helped him to relax and fall asleep during chemo or after a hard day at work, or when he became really ill? You got it! He hooked his feet on the end of the bed and would rock us both to sleep!
This weekend we cleaned out his closet. Monday, I gave my Calif. king bed to Kate and Josh and got a full size bed. I have now resumed the habit of hooking my toes over the end of the bed and rocking myself to sleep.
This week has been one of the worst on me to date. I think that I broke rule number 3 - Don't make too many changes too quickly.
Grief - Get rest if energy fails! Maybe you need to rock yourself to sleep! It does wonders.
Thank you Lord for our many blessings.
Have a glorious, fall weekend.
Cathy
Rule 1: Don't make any major changes the first year. I changed my bed from a California King to a full size bed. What a step down. Rule 2: Clean out the "closet" at least by 3 1/2 weeks. We finally made it in 3 1/2 months. Rule 3: Don't make so many adjustments too quickly or without thought to the consequences.
Which brings me to the topic of today's blog.
When I was a young girl, I had a twin bed. I would scoot all the way down and hook my toes over the end. I would then rock myself to sleep. This habit continued into young adulthood.When James Gravenmier and I became man and wife, we had a full size bed. I used the same method for rocking myself to sleep to overcome his snoring. He snored. I rocked. We were the perfect couple. Except, he hated the "rocking" bed. He fumed and complained enough that I decided to grow up and dispense with the rocking. Marital bliss continued, until he became ill. Guess which habit helped him to relax and fall asleep during chemo or after a hard day at work, or when he became really ill? You got it! He hooked his feet on the end of the bed and would rock us both to sleep!
This weekend we cleaned out his closet. Monday, I gave my Calif. king bed to Kate and Josh and got a full size bed. I have now resumed the habit of hooking my toes over the end of the bed and rocking myself to sleep.
This week has been one of the worst on me to date. I think that I broke rule number 3 - Don't make too many changes too quickly.
Grief - Get rest if energy fails! Maybe you need to rock yourself to sleep! It does wonders.
Thank you Lord for our many blessings.
Have a glorious, fall weekend.
Cathy
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
"The Dreaded"
Well, we did it! Sunday afternoon after church and lunch, we tackled the "dreaded closet". It only took us 3 1/2 months and one temper tantrum from me before it happened. All the Gravenmier women, Andy, Josh, and Trent were involved in the feat. Who would have thought that a closet would present such troubles, tears, and floods of emotion?
He always hated "Brown" anything. Yet, Sunday, "Brown" was such a reminder of his life for 28 years. It was the topic of much family discussion.
Each article of clothing and personal memoribilia was a happening/story about James G. Some were humorous, as he was! Some were laden with work, that he avoided at all cost! Some were his personality personified-classic Hawaiian print shirts. Some were just special reminders of him and what he liked.
Each person present kept a little piece of James G.'s stuff for posterity. Andy had his personal stash, too. He kept some ties, a shirt, and a few articles of clothing that he said that he would wear when he got older. He was so proud of "his Papa clothes and treasures".
Each day presents a new set of issues to deal with without my "partner in crime", but with God's help and Mr. G's watching over us, I am dealing. I think that I have even made him laugh/smile at my creative solutions.
Enjoy your week.
God's blessings,
Cathy
He always hated "Brown" anything. Yet, Sunday, "Brown" was such a reminder of his life for 28 years. It was the topic of much family discussion.
Each article of clothing and personal memoribilia was a happening/story about James G. Some were humorous, as he was! Some were laden with work, that he avoided at all cost! Some were his personality personified-classic Hawaiian print shirts. Some were just special reminders of him and what he liked.
Each person present kept a little piece of James G.'s stuff for posterity. Andy had his personal stash, too. He kept some ties, a shirt, and a few articles of clothing that he said that he would wear when he got older. He was so proud of "his Papa clothes and treasures".
Each day presents a new set of issues to deal with without my "partner in crime", but with God's help and Mr. G's watching over us, I am dealing. I think that I have even made him laugh/smile at my creative solutions.
Enjoy your week.
God's blessings,
Cathy
Friday, September 10, 2010
TGIIFF
Thank God it is finally Friday!!!!!!!!! You know, for a short week, this sure was a long work week. Today at school was jammed pack full of activities that involved yours truly....health screenings, canteen, book buddies, and Grandparents' Day luncheons for kindergarten and fourth grades. As the Parent Involvement Coordinator, I did a lot of coordinating for all of these events. Whew!!!!!!!!!!
I am spending a quiet Friday night at home in my recliner (with feet propped up). I have checked my eyelids for holes and am now listening to high school football on the radio. There are so many events in my life now that are so opposite to events of my life with James G. Tonight for instance, is the fact that if he were home on Friday night, he would be driving me bonkers right now. He would have the tv on, running the dial looking for something to watch and especially during commercials. He would also have the radio in the kitchen on listening to Milan High School football. He would listen to the radio on the deck and would be going in and out while trying to listen to the St. Louis Cardinal baseball game. Lord, how he loved sports (in the stands, stadium, on tv, or on the radio). This absolutely made me insane. I was on sports overdose.
Now I am in control of all remotes! Sad, isn't it?!
I recently read that when you lose your parents, you lose your past. When you lose your spouse, you lose your present. When you lose your children, you lose your future. This is so profound, but so true. No wonder I feel so out of sync these days.
My days continue to be filled with blessed memories, but they are getting less and less sad/ tearful. I cherish our lives together and all of our memories.
Enjoy your weekend.
May God bless your days,
Cathy
I am spending a quiet Friday night at home in my recliner (with feet propped up). I have checked my eyelids for holes and am now listening to high school football on the radio. There are so many events in my life now that are so opposite to events of my life with James G. Tonight for instance, is the fact that if he were home on Friday night, he would be driving me bonkers right now. He would have the tv on, running the dial looking for something to watch and especially during commercials. He would also have the radio in the kitchen on listening to Milan High School football. He would listen to the radio on the deck and would be going in and out while trying to listen to the St. Louis Cardinal baseball game. Lord, how he loved sports (in the stands, stadium, on tv, or on the radio). This absolutely made me insane. I was on sports overdose.
Now I am in control of all remotes! Sad, isn't it?!
I recently read that when you lose your parents, you lose your past. When you lose your spouse, you lose your present. When you lose your children, you lose your future. This is so profound, but so true. No wonder I feel so out of sync these days.
My days continue to be filled with blessed memories, but they are getting less and less sad/ tearful. I cherish our lives together and all of our memories.
Enjoy your weekend.
May God bless your days,
Cathy
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
Another Hump Day in Tennessee
Even though this is mid week in a short week, it seemed quite like Monday. "The hurrier I went, the furtherer behind I got!"
Our Wednesday night Ladies Bible Study began a new study tonight on Esther. She promises to be the type of Godly distraction that my mind needs at this time. Thank heavens for those Beth Moore in-depth studies. I have to take up quite a bit of space spreading out all of my study guides, Bible, James' favorite study Bible, computer and anything else that could be useful in understanding God's chosen.
I can just hear James G. now! "Not another Beth Moore........"
He would rag me quite a bit, but I think that he considered her the "Haley for women".
Now he can truly peek over my shoulder and no one will ever know that he did a woman's Bible study.
Pray for those in nature's way in Texas and our troops as they prepare to leave hostile lands.
Enjoy the rest of the week.
God's guiding hand in all that you do.
Preparing my head, heart, and hands for HIM!
Cathy
Our Wednesday night Ladies Bible Study began a new study tonight on Esther. She promises to be the type of Godly distraction that my mind needs at this time. Thank heavens for those Beth Moore in-depth studies. I have to take up quite a bit of space spreading out all of my study guides, Bible, James' favorite study Bible, computer and anything else that could be useful in understanding God's chosen.
I can just hear James G. now! "Not another Beth Moore........"
He would rag me quite a bit, but I think that he considered her the "Haley for women".
Now he can truly peek over my shoulder and no one will ever know that he did a woman's Bible study.
Pray for those in nature's way in Texas and our troops as they prepare to leave hostile lands.
Enjoy the rest of the week.
God's guiding hand in all that you do.
Preparing my head, heart, and hands for HIM!
Cathy
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Three Months and Counting
Three months have passed and the grief and adjustments to the "new normal" continue. We had a wonderful, Gravenmier family gathering for our friends' 5oth wedding anniversary on Saturday. This is one of the first times in a while that my girls, Josh, Trent, and I were all together at the same function. However, after it was over, Beth and Trent left for Lexington for the weekend; Kate and Josh went to his mom's for dinner and to the lake on Sunday morning; Amy left that night for the lake to be with her children who were already there; and the dog, Shelby, and I spent an extra quiet night at home. She and I did however, go to the lake on Sunday after church. After a full day of sun, barbque brisket/barbque bologna and all the fixings, a campfire with smores, alas I had had enough. The memories of our weekends and Labor Days weighed heavy on my emotions and I chose to go home Sunday night. Life at the lake was a very special time for the Mister and me! We spent quite a bit of his last months there. Those days were so full of fishing, relaxing, living life to the fullest, loving our days together, and planning our days when we would be apart.
God had plans for us even then-when we thought that he was resting. He was preparing our way for the days to come.
Even though I had a hole in my heart the size of Texas, God has managed to stitch it up and now it is only the size of California. If there is anything that grief has taught me is:
God
Really
Is
Everlastingly
Faithful.
He continues to hold us close to His heart, comforts us in loneliness, teaches how to live on through the loneliness, and helps us to adjust to the life after "JLG".
Blessings to all,
Hugs and kisses my sweet man until we meet again!
Cathy
God had plans for us even then-when we thought that he was resting. He was preparing our way for the days to come.
Even though I had a hole in my heart the size of Texas, God has managed to stitch it up and now it is only the size of California. If there is anything that grief has taught me is:
God
Really
Is
Everlastingly
Faithful.
He continues to hold us close to His heart, comforts us in loneliness, teaches how to live on through the loneliness, and helps us to adjust to the life after "JLG".
Blessings to all,
Hugs and kisses my sweet man until we meet again!
Cathy
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